Crossing The Ocean Of Hope

Hi,
I am a 30 years old Asian female who has been in America for 4 years now. For these years, I have been struggling through my career and relationship and very sadly to say that I have not any of this yet. I am now unemployed, stuck at my boyfriend's home where our relationship is dead with no friends or family to turn to. I am very depressed each day filled with my loneliness and boredom. I have think about suicide a few times, I've been talking to myself every now and then, cursing and blaming on myself. I always ended up on Craigslist to look for things to do and to meet new people and so far, I haven't find any luck yet. Then, I found you and I would like to express myself to you.

I would like to start my story about my current relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together for 2 years now. I do love him but for some reasons, things always don't work out for us. It seems like there is nothing common in us and we never get to compromised. Most of our time were spent either arguing or not talking to each other at all. My boyfriend is 15 years older than me and he is a Caucasian. He daily life include working from 9am-7pm and the remaining hours would be spent drinking beers, smoking cigars, watching TV and playing with his dog. The only time that he would pay attention to me is the time when he needs to have sex with me or when he needs me to look after his dog. Whenever I try to create a conversation with him, he would show no sign of interest by saying that he has been working all day and he doesn't feel like talking. I do not really mind that he works long hours everyday but when he comes home, he doesn't even want to spend some time with me. Being all by myself here with no friend or family in the America, he is all I got and when he ignores me, it pushes me further to my own world of loneliness. I was not allowed to have my own pet in his house while he can be so obsessed with his own pet. So, when he was sitting there on the couch drinking and smoking and patting his favorite dog in front of his favorite TV shows, I am left with the options of joining him with silence or hiding in the room all by myself. We both know that we don't get along. We are just two different people. Unlike normal couples, we don't go out anymore or even dine together anymore.

I still love him very much. The short happy moments that we used to share together always play in my mind and it is what keeps me to still put hope on him. One day, he told me that he is very undependable and do not put hope on him. He needs a woman who can support him physically, mentally and financially. He expects me to help him to pay half of the mortgage, the groceries and also all the utilities bill. He told me that he cannot support me when I am not working. He told me that he is broke now and he can't even support himself right now. I am very disappointed as to why he claims himself broke when he can still spend hundreds of dollars each month on his beer and cigar, hundreds of dollars on his monthly dog expenses and also hundreds of dollars to drive a new 5 series BMW? Is it because that he never love me at all that he doesn't feel that I am part of him to support to when I need his support right now?

I have been actively looking for a job now and up-to-date, I received no interview from anyone. I think most companies do not want to hire me because I do not have a very strong working experience here plus I do not have a local college degree. I am also not a very skilled person. I do not very simple basic graphic and web design and some basic Office suite applications. I try to be proactive by improving my already know skills through self study over the internet. Again, most of the time, I get so demotivated when I think of my day to day problems. I don't know when I will be running out of funds to support myself and I don't even know when my boyfriend will kick me out from his house one day.

I really don't know what to do now. I am all lost with no direction in life. Shall I just give up my life and kill myself instead? I am such a total failure. I don't even know what to do now to get back on to my feet. I really need help and guidance.

-Anonymous New American


Reply

Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your email. You sound extremely depressed due to the challenges you are facing. It is extremely important that you go into counseling in your area. If you have thoughts of hurting yourself you need to find help right away. I believe you have so much to live for and you could potentially be in a good job, a happy relationship and enjoy your life. It might take time but please do not give up. I have seen people so depressed they felt there was no reason to go on. They then seeked help and there whole life turned around. For every situation, there are ways to handle them so you can reclaim your life. I also know how hard it is to be new to a country but there must have been reasons you came. Do they include the object to have a better life, more ability to live in abundance, and happiness? If so, you need to begin to start searching for them. Your husband and you should work on your marriage if you want it to continue. He needs to know how sad you are and that you are not feeling well. In some Asian cultures pride is one of the most important aspects of life. Here in America, we each need to work hard to solve our problems and to recognize when we need assistance. You need to get help right away so that you can improve yourself and handle your depression. I've seen people completely change their lives and become happy. You can be one of those people. I would be happy to work with you or help you to find someone in your area. Please email me so I can help you find more care.

Thank you,

Blake Le Vine, LMSW

Facing An Eating Disorder

Question:
Hi,
My name is Tammy, I'm 41. I'm feeling really hopeless and depressed. I'm diagnosed with major depression, bi-polar without psychosis, eating disorder nos, ptsd. Therapy is hard to afford. I'm medicare/medicaid live in a nursing home facility. I struggle with self-harm urges and suicidal thoughts but no plans or actions ever. I'm a sexual abuse survivor. I have memories every night, panic attacks as well, the eating disorder is out of control. binging/purging but mainly binging. I hate my body and want to hurt it. I have no support from family as they are dysfunctional. I feel really alone and lonely...can you help me? I'm desperate and crying alot

Tammy


Answer:

Dear Tammy,
I appreciate your email. You touched on several problems that you are facing. The good news is that each of them can be worked on. They are serious and you need to find professional help with a therapist and a medical doctor. Even with medicare and medicaid there are many doctors and therapists who will accept this and not cost you anything out of pocket. There are also clinics that would offer free help in your area. You mention that you live in a nursing home facility. Do they offer any type of help for these issues? I am sure the burden you are carrying is difficult but you could begin to feel better if you work on these issues with a good therapist and make sure your health is okay. Please let me know if I can help you find someone in your area for you to work with. It is important to get help right away to avoid your situation getting worse. There are many people who face issues like yourself and please know you are not alone. I respect your courage to share your story. If there is anyway I can help please email me.

Thank you,


Blake LeVine, LMSW

Frightening Family Fears

Hi Blake,
I'm a 34 year old woman. I am divorced (married too young at 23) and am dating a 27 year old for the last 5 years. We live together, own a dog, have a great apartment, all that stuff. For the past year or so, I'm completely obsessed with my family or loved ones being hurt or killed. I can vividly see them be beaten, killed, scared, terrified, and die. If I dont call my parents each day to tell them both that I love them, to lock their doors (which they never do) and to drive safely to and from work tomorrow, I think they will die and it will be my fault. Also, I enjoy masturbating, and truly feel that if I do that on a weekday when they work, or on a weekday after I call them, that they will die and it will be my fault. I have even masturbated and then called to be sure they would be okay. I have to pray the same prayer every night and it is very in depth and very particular asking that my family and loved ones (including animals) are blessed and kept safe from fire in their homes, break ins, murder, rape, accidents, etc. etc.
I am absolutely paranoid about being hurt, raped or murdered. I lock my doors when I go to my mailbox. Anytime I have left, I come back home and with my dog and usually a knife or some mace, check all the closets, under the bed and in the shower for intruders. I have never lived by myself. I always have had a boyfriend and always have lived with one. On the outside, I am normal, attractive, funny and outgoing. But I think I am going insane. I have to open my eyes sometimes when I try to sleep to stop myself from envisioning my loved ones being beaten in the head with hammers, punched in the mouth by rapists or stabbed by home intruders. Please help me. My medical insurance has a $30 copay, so seeing a therapist full time would be very expensive, but I would be willing if you think this isn't a phase.
Thank You,

Anonymous

"To thine own self be true"



Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your email. I appreciate the fact that you are honest about what you are facing. It sounds like this is a very scary time for you right now. I feel there must be some reason why you are fearful for the safety of your family. Possibly, something happened or you heard a story that is making your fear for your family's safety. It could be an actual experience or something you read about or saw in a film or television show. Many people watch a horror movie and have terrible fears and nightmares for many months after. If that is the case, I would advise you not to read the newspaper, watch the news, or see scary films. As for the masturbation, it is common for both men and women to do this. The question is how frequently do you do this? If it is to often and you feel you cannot live without it then it might be a problem. Sexual addiction is very common and it affects both men and women. You might feel guilty for masturbating and possibly fear that your family will be hurt as a 'payback' for doing this. I assure you that is not the case. We all have sexual urges and occasionally masturbating can be a safe, normal and enjoyable experience. If it is an addiction though it can be a problem. I think there are likely other issues involved in how you feel about the safety of your family and yourself. You say therapy would cost you $30.00 but I think this would be worth it for you. The stress of what your facing is hard and I understand that. By finding a good therapist, you can have a safe place to discuss these fears and to find a way to handle them in a healthy way. You are normal and are not 'crazy.' You've done nothing wrong and show how much you care for the safety of those you love. I am sure your family wants you to enjoy your life and not be in a constant state of fear. I've personally dealt with anxiety and know how hard it can be. I know you can overcome these fears if you seek a therapist. I'd be happy to offer you telephone counseling or to find someone in your area. You have the courage to share your story and be honest which leads me to believe you are ready to get help and overcome this. You have a boyfriend and family which makes you very lucky. If you get help, you can begin to enjoy them more and not feel these frightening fears. Please contact me so I can help you to find someone to work with.

Thanks,

Blake Le Vine, LMSW

Depressed Single Mom

Question:

I am a 36 year old single mother of a 12 year old. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 10 years. I don't have a social life at all. I think I am probably severely depressed. I can't concentrate, am fidgety at work, the worst of all is my mind. When I try and speak it's like the words don't come out, I forget the words, my memory is gone! I can't remember details of my daughter when she was a baby, or other significant things in my life. I do have family around which is nice. I know my depression is affecting my daughter, she has friends at school but nothing outside of school.

I think I should go to therapy but don't know where to begin to find a good one. I do have medical insurance. I'm not crazy about medication but am willing to take it if it helps and is not addicting.

Help!

Monica


Answer:

Monica,

Thank you for writing. I am sure the ending of your relationship has been very stressful for you. In addition, your depression is hurting other aspects of your life including your job and mind. You are correct that now is the time to get therapy and work on the break up, the stress you face as a single mother, problems at work, and the memory loss. I feel many of your symptoms are related to the stress and depression. When you seek help and your depression subsides likely these memory problems will go away. It is probably a good idea to visit your primary doctor for a check up to rule out other possibilities. You owe it to your daughter and yourself to face these issues in a healthy way. I would be happy to offer you counseling if you are in New York or telephone counseling if you are elsewhere. The good news is I have had clients who were severely depressed and felt like life was unmanageable. Once they broke through their depression, they began to enjoy life again and say the emotional pain and suffering are completely gone. You will likely stop being depressed if you seek help. I'd like to help you so that you can continue to be a good mom and enjoy your life. You are not alone as many people suffer from depression. You have already shown the courage to admit something is not right, which is the first step. Now you can make the next positive step and obtain the help you need. You can begin to improve both your mental and physical health. Please email me and we can discuss further ways to help you.

Sincerely,


Blake Le Vine, LMSW

Anxiety Questions And Answers!

Question:

I would like to remain anonymous.

I have major problems. My mother is not with my dad and we are not very well off either with money. I have never had a girlfriend since I was born. Girls seem to be attracted to me but i scare them off. I'm just too rough. I have had this problem with my head where for two years now I have been getting headaches and loss of hair. And I'm only 21! I think I'm a handsome person but to me that is not everything. I'm broken on the inside. And with my head problem I have never been the same. I cant move my head quick, I'm always thinking and when ever something happens, even if it is getting mail before opening it up I have an anxiety attack and get light headed and dizzy and breath quickly.

Im sorry this might seem quick and misspelled.
I just need help and my insurance sucks it doesnt really cover much. I just want to know what it is. I had MRI and Catscans and nothing.

I am an aspiring actor and film maker. I want to help people like you too someday
i just want to be normal.

Signed,

Anonymous


Answer:

Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for taking the time to write. I understand your frustration about your health issues. This is a rather difficult issue to face at age 21. You need to invest the time to go to doctors in your area to figure out what you are facing. Even if you have to go to several it is important to rule out various health concerns. I think part of it might be anxiety and the good news is anxiety can be treated. If the anxiety is causing such problems that you are having anxiety attacks, getting light headed and dizzy you need to seek treatment. With the proper medicine you could become calmer and learn to deal with your fears. There are so many millions of people who battle this condition. It is obvious that without treatment your health has been affected.

You also write about problems with dating. I would suggest finding a therapist or free clinic to discuss these issues. You are still young and could learn how to act appropriately with women. I am sure you have so many things to offer a woman including your honesty, creative abilities (acting and film making) and probably tons of other things that would make girls think of you as a great catch. The bottom line is you need to get treatment for the physical and mental health issues right away. They are serious but you can overcome them. I've seen people with much worse problems seek help and end up having amazing lives. I look forward to possibly seeing your work on the big screen one day. If I can help you find someone in your area please let me know. Thank you for your courage to share your story. Remember you are not alone.

Sincerely,


Blake Le Vine, LMSW

Friends Are Hard To Find

Question:

Hi-

I am a 28 year old woman who is having issues making friends. I am married and we have a few mutual couple friends that live 2 hours away. I know alot of people but it seems whenever I ask someone to do something on the weekend, they can't go. I never thought I would become the girl that has to invite herself to things of her other friends because she doesn't have any of her own. I'm a pretty social person, but I don't understand what is wrong with me. I feel like a big loser. Where we live, we don't have any couple friends either. I know you probably need more info. but I don't know where to start/end, etc. so feel free to ask me any questions.

Thanks.

Jill

Answer:

Dear Jill,
Thank you for writing about your trouble finding friends. First of all, you are not a loser. You have entered a stage in your life where your friends are changing. Towards the end of our twenties, many people begin to build careers, move away, get married and start families. You are entering the stage where many old friends will be less in contact opening the door for your husband and you to meet new people who are at the same place you are (both in life and in location). It can be scary to try and make new friends and many people find it challenging to reach out and meet new people. You should find groups in your area that would allow you to meet other women your age. There are sports leagues, networking groups, political groups, art groups, volunteer opportunities and so many other ways to meet people in your area. If you put yourself out there many people will want to be your friend. In addition, the people who say they are busy are not rejecting you, just dealing with the stresses of being an adult, working and handling family responsibilities. I recently moved to Long Island, and most of my old friends do not live here. I joined a tennis league and found friends through this. I've also went to networking groups and have found many nice people through this. You have the strength to admit they you need to make friends which is the first step. Now, you must make the effort to join groups that will help you to find new friends to enjoy your adult life. Craigslist.org has many groups posted in your area and you can also look in local papers for activities and groups to join. This problem is common amongst people in their late 20's. Thank you for sharing your story.

Sincerely,

Blake LeVine, LMSW

Frustrated Home Owner

Question:

Hi Blake.

I saw your email while browsing for jobs. I have two jobs, but I'm not getting nearly enough hours or money. I found out today that unless I raise some serious cash fast, I will lose my house. This really worries me since as an artist and writer, I can't really see how I'll make enough to have any retirement savings. My house is a rental property, and I'm counting on it for my old age. (I'm 27.) I've cut back all my unnecessary expenses, travel by bike, and am selling my stuff on eBay...and I'm not even scraping by.

I'm scared that this might be the thing that pushes me back over the edge. Last year I spent spring break in the psych ward, but before I was there was much scarier. I have struggled with depression since remembrance, but I was seriously suicidal. I quit doing a lot of things that helped get me that way: drugs, smoking, my stressful teaching job, and was on medication for a few months until my insurance ran out. I really have been doing better: eating a balanced vegetarian diet and exercising nearly daily. But in the last few months, even before my serious recent financial crisis, I started feeling really negatively about the world. I've always been a misanthrope, but I am now thoroughly and truly ashamed to be human: all the war, health care crises, corruption, wrecking of the planet and complete disregard for other species gets to be too much. There's good in the world and I see it, but I more often see it being destroyed at an alarming rate.

I'm going to be getting back on medication soon since one of my jobs offers limited insurance, but I'm not sure how much it will help. It won't change my finances (except to take a bit), and it certainly won't help all the crap that's going on in the world. I volunteer at a high school, but I'm not sure I'd be a positive force for the students right now. I'm having a hard time seeing the point of anything, and wish I could exchange the gift of life like a bad sweater. I'm not going to hurt myself because it's not the right move right now, but I'm having a hard time keeping up my reserves of strength. I'm also angry: I have an Ivy League degree, and I honestly thought it would pay off but I'm finding it pretty damn useless. The only skill I have is teaching, and although it can be rewarding, the stress combined with the low pay is more than what I can take.

Any advice you have would be much appreciated. Your responses to the other writers were really good...even if you can't reply, what you are doing is so helpful for others to see, and gave me something to relate to as well. If you use this, please don't use my name. :-)

Cheers,

Frustrated Home Owner


Answer:

Dear Home Owner,
Thank you for your email. I am sorry to hear about your troubles. The fear of losing a house is a major one. With the economy, thousands of people are at risk of foreclosure. What concerns me more than your house, is your mental health. You write that you are worried about going over the edge. I think you need to get mental health help right away. I would suggest going to a free clinic that will help you for free. If your health isn't right, it is impossible to work well, be happy, and enjoy life. You sound like a dynamic person. You've went to an Ivy League school, are an artist, teacher, and writer. Do not forget all that you have accomplished. As for the financial part, you need to find something you could enjoy that would pay you enough to live. For example, where I live teachers can make over $150,000 per year. They earn $75,000 from the school and tutor after school for $75-150 per hour. Would tutoring be an option for you? My friend is a songwriter but also has a teaching degree. He tutors for an agency and makes $50-$75 per hour. This gives him a nice amount of money and the freedom to pursue his music career. You also mention your negativity towards the world. This is based on you being depressed and your view on the world. In any situation, we must try to find the positive. There are many crappy things about the world, but you can try on focus on the good. For example, friends who care about you, people who spend their time helping others, the love that so many people share, and whatever you like most about life. This world might never be perfect, but it is up to you to find the parts of life that make you the happiest. I know once you are out of your depression you will begin to once again see the good that is in our world. You should also look into programs the government has set up to help people facing foreclosure. I would be happy to try and find you information. Thank you for your email and I know so many are facing depression and the fear of losing their homes. You WILL get through and I know you have something you are meant to contribute to our world.

Sincerely,


Blake LeVine, LMSW

Struggling Student Needs Help

Question:


Hi Blake,

I love your idea for the website, your story is very inspiring.

My current issue is I was about to enter my fourth and final year of college but was denied a loan to cover tuition. This has been an issue for me for 2 years now and I've pretty much exhausted my financial options. My emotions have been taking a downturn again which is making it difficult for me to decide what to do next, this happened earlier in the year when I had other financial difficulties. I was studying to be a film director in college, but now I have no idea what I want to do anymore. I've been considering taking a year off to work and go to community college part-time, or joining the army to finish my education there (they have a broadcast program). This is a very difficult time for me because I've been battling depression since high school and I'm considering getting screened for bi-polar disorder. In college I began abusing pain medications and having bouts of depression. I know this a lot of information, my question is what can I do to move forward without going into another cycle of depression?

Thank you,

Struggling Student


Answer:

Dear Student,

Thank you for your email. College is an important tool to build a career but the costs can be tremendous. There are millions of students who finish school filled with student loan debts as well as owing money to credit card companies that gave them cards when they were not always ready to understand financial responsibilities. What makes it even harder is even after going to school many people do not know what they want to do for a living. The good news is you are not alone. Thousands of adults from ages 18-80 are confused about their career path. My suggestion is to find a way to continue in college in anyway you can. If you need to work and go part time that is a good way to pay for school while working. I suggest you try all the careers that might interest you. I've experimented and worked or interned on Wall Street, film companies, collectibles, restaurants, and others before deciding to become a therapist. Each job was a great learning experience and taught me what it actually meant to do any of those jobs. You have something that you are meant to do. I believe we all have a special skill to contribute to the world. Whether it is film directing or being in the army you need to experiment and see what fits you best.

For your depression, are you seeking treatment? You should find a therapist to help you and to determine if you do have bipolar. Are you still abusing pain medications? If the answer is yes, you should think about getting help to break this addiction before it becomes dangerous. You are not alone as a young person trying to find their path in the world. It has become very challenging to find a career that earns a nice living and that you can feel passionate about. I promise you that there is something out there you are meant to do, but you need to explore different passions until you find it. Once you figure it out, you will feel a sense of calm take over. Before you rush into the army, drop out of school, or do anything I would suggest taking an online career quiz. It will ask you a series of questions and based on the answers will give you suggestions about which careers would suit your personality. These are free tests and if you want me to give you a link to them please email me. Thank you for your courage sharing your story. My 22 year old brother is facing a similar challenge as he graduates college and has to figure out how to make a living in the "real world." I know you and him will find your path as long as you search for it.

Thank you,


Blake LeVine, LMSW

Do I Take Medicine?

Question:

Hi Blake,

What is your take on treating bipolar disease and depression naturally? I have bi-polar II disorder with severe episodes of depression and limited/light episodes of mania. For over ten years I have been on a mix of anti-depressants and just recently (within the last year) have taken Lamictal. Unfortunately, I lost my health insurance a couple of months ago and had to discontinue my medication. I did a lot of research on natural ways to battle this disorder and now take 5-HTP, B12, a multi-vitamin and eat very healthy (no meat, limited dairy, lots of whole grains, veggies, no preservatives, no trans fats, etc. ) and exercise 4-5 times a week. I have not experienced any real depressed episodes since going off my medication, but I have always had long spurts of being OK and then falling back into depression and/or short episodes of mania. Can you tell me if you think the route I'm taking is a good one or not? I would like to stay off medication if it's possible.

Thank you.

Best,

Laura


Answer:

Dear Laura,
Thank you for writing. I respect your honesty about your battle with bipolar disorder. I too struggle with this condition. Some people need medicine to stay functioning and not end up in a hospital. For people with severe bipolar, I would not suggest stopping your medicine without thoroughly discussing it with your doctor. For you Laura, it sounds like there were two reasons you stopped taking the pills. One was affordability and the other was your goal of not taking them. I think you need to take an inventory of the past couple of months and see how you have felt. Are you doing well in your job, relationships, and daily functioning? Possibly, you should ask your friends and family to tell you how they feel you have been since stopping the pills. You have been taking positive steps including eating right and exercising. The bottom line is your health should be your main priority. If you begin to slip into a depression or mania you should see a doctor right away. In terms of not having insurance there are programs that offer free or discounted medicine. If you want the information, I will gladly find it for you. As for other people the choice to take medicine is a tough one. Many people have religious reasons why they won't take pills. Others fear the side effects. In my case, I was not going to survive without medicine. I tried lowering my doses with my doctor but symptoms began to return. For me, the choice of living with taking medicine and being mentally healthy was more important than the side effects. For anyone on prescription pills, you should make sure to make decisions with your family and doctor. Often times, people relapse when they try to stop on their own without proper guidance and supervision. I hope this helps you Laura and anyone else who takes prescription medicine.

Sincerely,


Blake LeVine, LMSW

Girlfriend Question

Question:
Hey what's going on? This is great man for real.I have a problem w/ my girlfriend. You see, I cheated on her and I know she won't forgive me so should I keep trying even though she makes it hard to do so? She barely has sex w/me. We are up to once a month, that's disgusting. I need help ?????????????

Answer:
I understand how tough this situation is for both your girlfriend and you. You write that you barely have sex and it sounds like your needs are not being satisfied. It still was wrong of you to be unfaithful. You need to sit down with your girlfriend and be completely honest with her. If you need to have sex twice per week, then you must tell her that. Even if it is daily, she must know your needs. She then can respond what her needs are and you can make a compromise. It sounds like she is hurt about the cheating and that probably is keeping her from wanting to be with you physically. The only way she can forgive you, is if you both open up about your needs, how you both feel about the cheating, and if you both still want to be in the relationship. If the answer is yes, you need to move slowly to rebuild her trust. This might mean, showing her how much you care by giving her attention, love, and affection. Also, if you start being honest you will go to your girlfriend with your problems, frustrations, questions, and for support. Many people cheat because they feel they are not recieving what they need out of their relationship. It might take time to rebuild trust, but if she is willing there is a chance to heal. I've seen married couples overcome an infidelity but it starts with honesty and rebuilding trust. Possibly, your girlfriend and you should go to counseling if you have issues that you cannot both deal with together. Sometimes having a neutral third person to listen and give suggestions can be a huge help. If I can be of any further help please email me.

Thank you,


Blake LeVine , LMSW

The Battle Of Being An Artist

Question:
Hi Blake,

Thanks for giving people this opportunity.

I don't have health insurance and I am aggressively looking for a job. I don't have a lot to say right now, but my overall feeling is that I'm walking around every day with this heaviness, this weight, a pain and it keeps going over and over in my head "i want out, i want out, what a waste, what a waste". I moved to NY 11 years ago to work in musical theater as a performer,
and I've worked some, but I've never felt like I was accepted. Every minute of my life is a struggle. I can't remember the last time I had what I would call "a good day".

I have had some success in real estate and in sales, but a recent volunteer trip to Israel made me realize that there are much greater things in life than just making cash; which is all real estate and sales have been for me. I hate both of those professions. I am an artist, but I can't seem to earn a living doing my art.

I'm okay earning a living in another way, but I can't do it if I feel I am working for the "devil" or complete and total sleaze bags. Unfortunately it seems like I'm only qualified to sell garbage for
people who only see dollar signs, and have no sincere interest in helping others. They try to justify their work, but at the end of the day, all it is is money. I am at a point where any rejection is so unbelievably hard to handle. I feel like I'm walking the plank every day. I feel like my
life is completely pointless. I'm so close to broke and so mad at myself for landing myself in this position. I'm smarter than this! Part of me feels like I need simple career advice (which makes me feel like a pussy, pardon the french), and the other part of me feels like I've been certifiably depressed for many years and just haven't been able to get the treatment I need.

I hope people don't walk around feeling the way I do every day. Feeling like "what is the point" and wanting to punch things. Every day = severe self loathing and sadness/depression. If you post this, please don't use my name. I'm sure I'm not nearly as exciting as the true psychopaths you hear from. This has been a nice dumping of thoughts for me, so thank you.

Best of luck with your endeavor,


Struggling Artist


Answer:

Dear Artist,
Thank you for writing. First of all, there are so many people facing the challenges you are enduring. Living in a city like New York is so costly. You had courage to come here and go for your dreams. In my eyes, you are a success for even moving to New York and giving your dreams a chance. So many people around the world would admire your courage. As for earning a living, it is known that many actors and artists do not make enough to survive which leads to my advice for you. You mention that you went to Israel and it opened your eyes to the important struggles people face. Being Jewish myself, I know it must be immensely challenging for people to live in countries that face terrorism on a daily basis. If you hate selling real estate then you need to stop selling it. There are so many ways you could use your talents to earn money while you keep pursuing your dreams. Examples for you include becoming an acting coach, art therapist, teacher, working raising money for a non profit, taking care of seniors, or anything that will pay you (but will not make you feel like you are doing something that does not interest you). Getting back to your dreams, they must never die. Thomas Edison attempted thousands of times before he invented the light bulb. The Wright Brothers failed hundreds of times before inventing that thing that soars through the air. Many famous actors, singers, artists, and authors were told they were too thin, fat, tall, short, ugly, stupid, or didn't have the talent. It is those that stuck it out and never quit that eventually found success. Also, if you found a way to earn money that you enjoyed, the time wouldn't seem as painful. When you start in your chosen art it is like Yankee Stadium. There is a full stadium and thousands of people are outside trying to get in. After two years, several thousand have left the stadium and moved back home. Two years later, there are 8,000 people left in the stadium. Three years after that, there are 3,000 people left. Those 3,000 begin to get work. After 10 years, there are 500 people left and they are all working actors. Some are Brad Pitt, and others are making a living doing what they love. The key is to stick it out the ten years. I would suggest finding an artists support group in Manhattan. If you can't find one start your own with a posting on Craigslist. Many people will want to join. This way you will connect with others who are facing what you are dealing with. I ran these type groups in New York and had tons of people with the same struggle you face. Also, if you feel too depressed maybe you should find a therapist from a non profit who will see you for free. I know things seem rough, but so many people feel depressed and once they find help, they feel better. The thing about depression is that once you feel better, you can begin to enjoy your life and these hard times will seem like a distant memory. I'm happy to find you someone who will see you if you would like. Also feel free to ask me anything else. Thank you for having the courage to write and share your story. You have helped others who are facing the same thing.

Many thanks,
Blake LeVine, LMSW

What Is Share My Problems?

Share My Problems is a social experiment. I'm a therapist who has helped people deal with anxiety, bipolar, depression, addictions, relationship issues, and many other problems. I've worked helping homeless New Yorkers, children in foster care, people in a substance abuse clinic, and numerous individuals in private practice. I wanted to create a place online where people could open up about their problems and receive advice for free. In addition, people who read these stories might identify with some of the issues and one day feel confident to get help for their own problems. I went into counseling because I faced my own issues as a teenager. In fact, I nearly died from battling bipolar disorder and faced several hospitalizations. Top doctors said I would never finish high school, be able to work, get married or have a normal life. I not only graduated high school, but college, graduate school and have written two published books, proposed to my wife on The Dr. Phil Show, have become a succesful therapist, produced a documentary called Rap Therapy about helping children in foster care (it features interviews with Diddy, 50 Cent, Ludacris, Russell Simmons, Anne Hathaway) and most importantly have been healthy for over 12 years. My goal is to have Share My Problems grow into a site where people can email me their problems which will be posted on the site. I will respond to the posted ones with answers and suggestions to the problems you face. I know how hard it is to open up about what we face and it took me many years to be ready to share my own story. If you want to remain anonymous you can gladly ask me not to use your name. Please email your questions and problems to blakellevine@yahoo.com. You can ask anything about any topic. Examples include anxiety, bipolar, relationship, addictions, problems a family member faces, career confusion, fears, sadness about death of a parent, friend, relative, pet or any other issue or problem you face. If you like the site please come back to read the stories and my hope is that more people will obtain help for their problems once they hear of others facing rough times. With the current state of the economy and huge amount of pressures people face, please know you are not alone.

Thank you,


Blake LeVine, LMSW

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